Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

By Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt

Let’s talk about what happens when you’re motivated by anger.

One day, a king invited his enemy to a banquet at his castle. “Let’s make peace,” he said. “Come and celebrate my eldest son’s birthday with us.”

His enemy agreed, not knowing if the king truly had intentions of making peace, but he figured it would be worth the try.

In actuality, the king intended to poison his enemy at the banquet and show his young son how enemies were to be dealt with.

As they sat at the table, the king poured drinks himself and directed the servants to pass them around in such a way that his enemy received the poisoned drink. When it came time to toast, the enemy stood up, raised his goblet and said, “A toast – to our newfound peace and to this boy who will be a man someday. Boy, give me your goblet. Let us drink from the same brew your father has poured for me. We will share our drinks just as our kingdoms will share peace.”

The father, horrified, stood and said, “No. Share your drink with me instead, as the boy has not been part of our feud. Come, I insist.”

“Noble king,” said the enemy, “what a grand idea. I shall instead share it with both, to ensure peace now and for future generations.”

The enemy then poured some of his poisoned drink into the boy’s cup and the king’s cup.

“A toast to peace!” cried the enemy, raising his goblet and smiling.

“To peace!” shouted the guests.

And that’s where the story ends.

You see, it doesn’t matter whether the king or the boy or the enemy drank the poisoned drink. If they didn’t all drink together, the enemy would become suspicious and remain untrusting, forever inhibiting true peace. If the king drank and died, the kingdom would fall into ruin. If the king said nothing and just pretended to drink, at the very least, his son would die. And if he admitted to poisoning the drink, war would surely ensue.

That’s what anger does. While it might poison your enemy (real or imagined), it also poisons those you love and yourself. While you might not drop dead at a banquet table, you most certainly cannot live your best life if your motivations are rooted in anger.

I once heard that anger is a secondary emotion, the result of combined, deeper emotions like fear mixed with hurt or hurt mixed with sadness. Anger is a manifestation of those emotions and the situations that caused them. Anger is a demonstration that whatever created the initial emotions has not been resolved.

In most instances, I’ve found this to be true. I’ve also found it to be true that if we nurture our anger and use it as motivation, that motivation can be powerful. But anger, by definition, is a negative. The Oxford dictionary says anger is “a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.” Unless anger is addressed at its base level, the level of those underlying combinations of emotions, it remains a destructive force.

So how do you ensure anger doesn’t kill you and those around you? Writer and community leader Cindy Brookshire has a system. She says, “Resentment comes from something you think you didn’t get in the past. Anger comes from something you think you’re not getting now. Fear comes from something you think you’re not going to get in the future. Deal with your feelings.” She suggests doing this:

1. Write down your feelings.
2. Deal with them, even if you need help from someone else.
3. Write down the things that make you feel angry.
4. Burn the paper in something contained, like a fire pit.
5. Whatever issues make you angry, perform one positive action each day to resolve those issues.

Once you do this and anger is no longer in the mix, you’ll discover your motivations are a lot less muddy and you can get on with your life. You’ll become happier, as will those around you. And as a result, you’ll become inspired to continue that upward momentum towards the positive and reaching your goals. New doors will open, revelations will unfold and you will find yourself evolving.

I hand
a goblet of poison
to my grey enemy,
his fingers quietly closing
around the stone base,
touching my own.
How the chill runs through.
“No, you take the first sip.”
And I, foolish,
raise it to my lips,
pretend to drink and swallow.

“More,” says my enemy.
“You’ve not had enough.
Pour it in like you mean it.
I’m sure you can get a refill.
Am I right?”

Until next time,

Katherine

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

By Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt

Ever sit down to do something and suddenly feel a lack of inspiration? What is that, anyway?

You had a great idea. You were excited and motivated. Then poof. Gone. It’s like the breath just got knocked out of you. There doesn’t seem to be a particular reason why. It just kind of happens.

The keyword here is breath.

If you look at the history of the word inspiration, you’ll see it dates back to the 1300s and refers to immediate influence by a god or gods that breathe into a mortal to motivate them to do something creative while guiding them along the way.

Inspiration is the breath of life, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Artists thrive on it, but so do good leaders and those who want to control their own destinies. So there’s good reason why losing inspiration can feel like you just got sucker punched.

Here’s how to get inspiration back.

1. Get somewhere private, or at least where you feel a sense of privacy.
2. Lower or close your eyes.
3. Listen to yourself inhale and exhale.
4. Feel your stomach and chest as you inhale and exhale. You can do this by putting a hand on your upper abdomen or just focusing on that part of your body.
5. Breathe deeply and slowly in and out for 30-60 seconds, continuing to listen to your body. If other thoughts intrude, don’t fight them, but dismiss them gently.
6. Visualize someone or something physically breathing into you. Feel the air they bring through your nose, throat and lungs.
7. Open your eyes, take a deep breath, exhale and do what it is you sat down to do. Don’t wait. Just start.

Why does this work?

Many times when we feel we’ve lost our inspiration, it’s that we have suddenly shut ourselves in or down. Whenever we do this, our breathing goes to hell. We breathe too fast or not at all. It’s almost like a kind of anxiety.

“I can’t do this. This won’t come out the way I want. I suck.” All those negative thoughts break in and trample on what should be one of our best creative moments. When that happens, we literally stop breathing correctly. This is a physical reaction to an emotional response, and one perpetuates the other.

I’m not saying this is the only way to bring inspiration back. But it is a quick, convenient path back to the right mindset. Certainly, if you have time and inclination to walk in the woods, mediate or take a warm bath and those work for you, go for it. But at the heart of all those activities is breath. Don’t forget that. You don’t want to end up distracting yourself with other activities, or you could end up losing focus and procrastinating.  

When it comes down to it,

words are breath,

lifegivers of the creative,

the inhale and exhale of cool air

through the nostrils,

into the heart,

the very stuff of heaven.

Ask not from where the breeze flows.

It doesn’t matter.

Feel it on your shoulders?

It’s turning you,

facing you in the direction

of the life you’re making.

Let it run its soft fingers

across your skin.

Breathe. 

Until next time,

Katherine

It is estimated that one in three Americans suffer from at least one mental health issue, but research shows that women are at a much higher risk to struggle with a mental health disorder throughout her lifetime than men. Here are a few ways to increase your mental wellness.

1. Talk to your physician

As a first step, talk to your primary care physician about your mental health goals and suggested screenings. He or she will be able to help you form an initial plan and refer you to any specialists as necessary.

2. Start exercising

Not only will exercise improve your overall health, but exercise also releases endorphins, the feel-good brain chemicals that instantly improve your mood. Talk to your physician before starting any new exercise routine.

3. Explore meditation

Meditation has the power to calm the mind, open the heart, and heal the soul. Sounds like it’s worth a shot, right? Start small. Set aside 3 minutes for meditation. Concentrate on your breath.

4. Up your sleep

The National Sleep Foundation recommends 7-9 hours of sleep for adults. Sleep is critical in maintaining mental wellness and can significantly impact your ability to regulate moods and process emotional information and experiences. If you are not getting the recommended amount of sleep, try going to bed 10 minutes earlier each night and gradually building up to the 7 to 9 hours of recommended sleep.

5. Practice gratitude

Did you know that expressing gratitude is related to your self-esteem and well-being? So, look at the bright side and thank the universe for the things that make you happy – everything from your dog to a good cup of coffee.
And, remember, if you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, unable to sleep, irritable or hopeless, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt is a poetry and prose writer who has lived in Prince William County since 1999. She has published six books and is working on a seventh. Learn more about her at KatherineGotthardt.com, and follow her work on Facebook by searching #KatherinesCoffeehouse.

By Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt

My parents used to say about people who weren’t motivated to do something necessary, “They’re fine. They just need a kick in the pants.”

That was the censored version, the one my mom demanded. My dad had other ways to say it that she didn’t approve of. We grew up with a certain amount of acceptable censorship because my mother didn’t want us “talking vulgar.” Except we lived in Massachusetts, so it was “vulgah.”

“Mom, is ‘butt’ a bad word?”

“Kathy, don’t be vulgah.”

So “pants” it was. Never mind that it seemed to be okay to kick someone. Life is full of contradictions.

Eventually, I settled into my independence and into speaking the way I felt most comfortable – which was often vulgar. I don’t think I thought too much about self-censoring until I had kids. That’s when I quickly learned I didn’t want my kids to sound what I was taught to be disrespectful, so I edited my words, at least until they were adults.

At this stage in life, I’ve reached a comfortable, happy medium, somewhere between both my parents’ versions of acceptable diction.

What motivates you to make life changes, or at least try?

For some changes, the motivation might seem obvious. “I want to lose weight so I can be healthier.” Or, “I want to change jobs so I can earn more money.” But what about the more complex things, the not-so-obvious, the quiet, underlying cause of action? What is really kicking you in the pants?

To get to these deeper answers, I suggest an activity I used to have my students do. I call it the Why Circle.

The premise is simple. You know how little kids ask “why” about everything? You do something similar. You keep asking “why” like a little kid until you get to a place where all the answers come back to the one before, in a circular manner.

So, for example, you say you want to change jobs to make more money. Why?

I want to afford more of the things I like.

Why?

They make me happy.

Why?

They make me feel free.

Why?

Because I don’t feel trapped.

Why?

Because I’m not poor, and being poor makes me feel trapped.

Why?

Because when I was little, we were poor, and we were stuck in a bad neighborhood.

Why?

Because my parents couldn’t get good jobs that paid enough.

You see how this works? You’re digging to the very essence of your motivation now, the real reason behind what propels you.

Why is this important to know?

Because when the going gets tough, you’ll need something more solid to fall back on, something more than, “I want to make money,” or “I want to wear a little black dress to the cocktail party.”

There’s more to it than that. There’s more to YOU than that.

Figure out what it is, and you’re more likely to stick to the path that gets you to your goals. Because in the end, even the most superficial among us are not truly superficial. There’s a reason behind the motivation.

Find what that is, and you’ll find even more motivation. And that will inspire you to continue your journey.

What is that

against my back?

The flat palm

of a convincing breeze

that urges idle swings to sway,

creeking old chains

in the empty playground.

Kinetic energy—

it makes the world go ‘round.

There is no better way

to stay ungrounded.

Okay. Now fly.

Until next time,

Katherine

Who Did That? Foster Kids!
For Children’s Sake of Virginia (FCSVA) is a therapeutic foster care agency that works throughout Northern Virginia. One of the questions they get asked most frequently is ‘what are the kids in foster care like?’

FCSVA says that each child is individual, with their own challenges and strengths. FCSVA foster parents work to help each child build on their strengths and overcome their challenges, and they see that every day through their foster children’s successes. Read below to see just a few of their amazing accomplishments this year!

• One of our elementary-aged foster children won a Future Innovator award at a Boys & Girls Club field trip for his excellent vision board
• One of our middle school foster children became a track team manager
• One of our teen foster children’s basketball teams won championships
• One of our middle schoolers in foster care won ‘Shining Star of the Month’ in her gymnastics group
• One of our toddlers in foster care has become “a gentleman” and always opens doors for ladies
• One of our teens in foster care has started volunteering at a local nonprofit
• Two of our teen boys in foster care volunteered their time on a weekend and made over 400 lunches for homeless people in their community
• One of our teens is about to graduate high school and will attend NOVA in the fall
• One of our teens will be officially adopted this summer
• One of our teens in foster care brought almost all of his grades up to B’s
• One of our middle schoolers in foster care has already read more than 20 books this year
• One of our toddlers in foster care learned to write his name

The children in foster care are just like any others – they have their own aspirations and goals, and FCSVA and their foster parents are helping them get there! Some of the children in care’s goals include: “graduating from high school, getting into college, and going to Penn State.”

Another teen’s goal is to “go to Howard University and study ER nursing.” FCSVA shares that these goals are accomplished through dedicated children and parents who work with them every day to help them get there.

Do you think you have space in your heart to help a foster child reach their goals? Anyone older than 21 years old who is financially stable, has space in their home for a child, a vehicle to transport the child in, and love and patience in their heart are welcome to apply to become a foster parent.

FCSVA offers free training and approval to foster parents. This includes single parents, LGBTQ+ parents, adults who have not had children before, parents who rent an apartment, those with medical conditions, and more. Every child has a different need for their foster parents, and we work to count you in, not out, as a foster parent!

You can call (703) 817-9890 or visit online today to learn more!

A new Athlete of the Month has been selected for the Competitive Edge Athletic Performance Center. For June, the chosen athlete is Plamedi Nsingi.

Q: How old are you?

A: I am 14 years old.

Q: Do you have a job? What school do you go to or are planning on going to?

A: No; I attend Woodbridge Middle School, and I’ll attend Garfield High School in the future.

Q: How long have you been training at Competitive Edge?

A: I have been training at the EDGE for about 3 or 4 months.

Q: What makes Competitive Edge unique?

A: The coaches — they motivate me to be better.

Q: What is your favorite type of workout and why?

A: My favorite type of work-out is Vertimax — helps increase my explosiveness.

Q: What has been your greatest athletic success?

A: My greatest athletic success was being recognized by other AAU basketball teams.

Q: What has been the most difficult part of your journey to fitness?

A: The most difficult part of my journey has been trying to keep up with both school and athletics. Homework piles up but I know I have to work out to maintain my athleticism.

Q: How did you initially react when you learned that you were Athlete of the Month?

A: I was surprised. My dad told me the news. He said to me, “Competitive Edge chose you to be the Athlete of the Month, I don’t know why.”

Q: What does being the Competitive Edge Athlete of the Month mean to you?

A: It means a lot to me as it introduces me to the facilities athletic community and allows me to introduce myself to other basketball players at the Edge.

Q: What motivates you to get out of bed and workout each day?

A: I am motivated each day knowing that I’ll one day be somebody.

Q: What is the most beneficial part of being an athlete?

A: The most beneficial part is that I stay healthy and my rate of recovery is increased.

Q: How will you continue to maintain your fitness in college?

A: To maintain my fitness in high school, I plan to continue eating healthy and maintaining my fitness regimen.

Q: What are your goals in the next five years?

A: In the next five years, I foresee myself playing college basketball — I’d like to advance professionally and play for the NBA soon after. However, I also have hopes of being a lawyer.

Q: Is there anything else you would like to add?

A: Shout out to my AAU team, Team Impact!